Black or White?

So ethnically I am a hybrid of a few cultures but if you split it down based on skin colour, my mother is white and my father is black. I think that the average person assumes I am mixed when they see me but you know what they say about assumptions…

On the outside I am a black woman, we’d be lying if we said skin-colour was not one of the first things people notice about each other (consciously or subconsciously), so I am black. I have been discriminated against because of it, I have been noticed because of it and I have also had privileges because of it but being mixed is something that tends to go unrecognized. I am proud of all of my heritages but often people only care about where the pigments come from. If you ask what’s my background or where I am from I will answer as a Canadian until you specifically ask where my mother’s family or father is from because I am Canadian. I was born here, I’ve grown up here and at least half of me is about the 6th generation of my family to be born here but I am a mixture of other things and sometimes I feel like those other things can also be underestimated.

The newspaper that I freelance for has been getting ready for their black-history issue for a while and I had been excited to write a piece on being mixed or at least about mixes of black and white (I hadn’t written it or anything I had just considered a few ideas about it such as being included and excluded at the same time). Today I checked my email to find they had hired a coordinator (and no I had not applied I really don’t want that responsibility at the moment) and he sent out a list of things he was looking for and any pitches we thought would work with his plan, I quickly realized that there wasn’t much room for a mixed article. His email asked for topics that fell under three sections; the past, present and future of black people. I am grateful that he didn’t specify African Americans because in a place such as Canada people considered ‘black’ come from all over the world and don’t always appreciate being linked to one continent but I’m still a little hurt. There doesn’t seem to be a place for me or many others to identify with, we can still write for the issue, anyone can doesn’t matter who you are or what the colour of your skin is, but I can’t help but feel left out.

I’m not sure what I plan to do. I might write to the coordinator and ask to place something about mixed races or there’s a mixed association group (for all mixes of any combination) somewhere on campus I could write to and see what they do, maybe they’ll ask for a mixed issue but I’m still a little lost. Like I said before to most of the people I see I am black not mixed, some people choose to ignore skin-colour and say I’m white which is still just as appalling as ignoring my ‘white side’ because I will always be both, and I would like to be fully included in both groups. I’m no where as cool or important as Obama but I wonder if he feels the same way. Remember he’s mixed too and the only time people mention it is when they use it to deride the fact that he is the first black president. The coordinator included Obama as a black man of the present (and to me he is, he had to struggle because of his skin colour and he benefited from it) and although he is of mixed heritage it was clear that he was mentioned as a black man and that his mix was not necessary.
I just wish we were included by all and I guess the same connection could be connected to all races including each other.

Song of the Month

Happy Halloween! This song comes from the Nightmere Before Christmas:

Jack's Lament

There are few who'd deny,

at what I do I am the best

For my talents are renowned far and wide

When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night

I excel without ever even trying

With the slightest little effort of my ghostlike charms

I have seen grown men give out a shriek

With the wave of my hand,

and a well-placed moan

I have swept the very bravest off their feet

Yet year after year,

it's the same routine

And I grow so weary of the sound of screams

And I, Jack, the Pumpkin King

Have grown so tired of the same old thing

Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones

An emptiness began to grow

There's something out there,

far from my home

A longing that I've never known

I'm a master of fright,

and a demon of light

And I'll scare you right out of your pants

To a guy in Kentucky,

I'm Mister Unlucky

And I'm known throughout England and France

And since I am dead,

I can take off my head

To recite Shakespearean quotations

No animal nor man can scream like I can

With the fury of my recitations

But who here would ever understand

That the Pumpkin King with the skeleton grin

Would tire of his crown,

if they only understood

He'd give it all up if he only could

Oh, there's an empty place in my bones

That calls out for something unknown

The fame and praise come year after year

Does nothing for these empty tears

Song of the Month

I don't really have a song of the month for September. I usually have phrases, where one song or CD is reaching out to how I feel about my life at that moment, but there is no defining song. Though there are no particular songs, there is an artist I just recently got hooked on. So I'd like to change things up for this month and give you an artist of the month for a change.

K'NAAN

I recently went to concert at my school where he preformed, having only known one of his songs and his whole performance blew me (along with everyone else in the audience) away. He had all of us singing along to songs we'd never heard and dancing like crazy to powerful upbeat songs. K'naan comes from Somalia and Toronto (he moved to Toronto awhile ago). Some of his songs are packed with explicit lyrics, something I normally dislike. All of his songs have a powerful meaning, and the more explicit words are there for a reason -other than to sound like a cool bad boy.
Don't be discouraged by his political songs, the beat along with the mixture of genres (rock, hip hop, rap, folk etc) make songs with tough subject matter more energetic and just plain fun.

Songs I like to sing to include; Wavin' Flag and Fatima.
Songs that I like to dance to include; ABC, Bang Bang and If Rap Gets Jealous.

I just bought his latest album, Troubadour and it's fantastic!

I tend to mainly listen to pop and rock, so it might just have been is amazing concert that hooked me but I really think you should check him out(I'm posting the link to his website so you have no excuse not to).

http://knaanmusic.ning.com/

Full Circle

I find it strange how things in life really do come full circle.

The first month of school is just finishing and just like last fall I find myself attempting to see Jersey Boys, last year I think I almost went with the same friend about 10 times but never managed to buy a ticket. This year I have a ticket ( instead of my friend it's my mother and her friend) but I have an essay due the next day so it depends how much work I get done in the next few days. If I manage to make it this year I'll write you about the performance.

However Jersey Boys is just one of the smaller ways life has come full circle. Once again I am living in a new place with whole new issues to deal with. It is still a campus residence but it is completely different from my first one. Last year I had a room. That was all. OK not exactly all. I did have a room with a desk, two chairs and a bed. I was on my own for the first and alone. None of my friends from before, were there and most of my friends had taken the year off and couldn't really relate to any of my new life experiences.

This year my new dorm has a kitchen, a washroom and I roommate. I still have my own personal room with all the luxuries I had in first year too. Having a roommate is great! We became friends in first year so it is not like living with a total stranger but it is still an adjustment. Once again I have to make new groups of friends, for a few difference reasons. Most of the people I hung out with in residence last year are now scattered across campus, so I cant just knock on their doors at any given time for any given thing.

The main reason for needing to make friends all over again is time. It was unexpected. My friends from home and I are still so close, I never would have guessed the small sum of a summer could make a difference but it did.
People I imagined I'd be closest with, I am furthest apart from. Fortunately for me the friends I thought would disappear came back ten times stronger.

My friends that took a year off have started school and it's funny reliving the few weeks I went through every time they mention their life. I don't think all them realize yet, that it is the same thing for every single person out there but it's nice. I laugh every time I think about next September for them and than me.

New classes, new friends, I think it is safe to assume I will have to start again (a least a little start) every year. I was getting discouraged until Friday when I made a few comments in class that made the people around me laugh. Once they laughed or the second time since last year, I realized (cheesy as it sounds) everything is going to be alright.

Song of the Month

I know I missed July...how could I?!
I've been very busy working about 10 hours a day at a daycamp and I've had trouble keeping touch with my friends let alone my blogs. Anyways I'm not too worried there's only about 4 people who read my blog and I know you all surrvived my lack of writing. :)

So like I've said I was very busy working and dreaming of some far off adventure, where I don't have to work all day to afford the classes that are comming up soon (where needless to say I will be working all day on essays).

Here is the song I think defines my July and August.

Take Me Anywhere

Tegan & Sara

Bright just like the stars above me

proud just like my mother planned it

short on all the things I don't want

I'm full of love and longing

take me by the hand and tell me

you would take me anywhere you would take me anywhere

still, cause I don't want to move a thing

and that you fit right into me

and all the things I don't want they're full

of love and longing

take me by the hand and tell me

you would take me anywhere you would take me anywhere

take me by the hand and tell me

you would take me anywhere you would take me anywhere

and it goes, its like a come on come on to me

and it goes, it's like a come on come on to me

you, you say you don't see any part of me

to love in all this mess and I know

you take the good and all the bad that comes with me

take me by the hand and tell me

you would take me anywhere you would take me anywhere

take me by the hand and tell me

you would take me anywhere you would take me anywhere

and it goes, its like a come on come on to me

and it goes, it's like a come on come on to me

and it goes, its like a come on come on to me

and it goes, it's like a come on come on to me

Poor Man's America

Ok so during my stay in Italy, I went out with a lot of different people around the world. One particular night (well morning since it was 2am) I was taking a taxi back to Termini an important station in Roma for buses, trains, subways etc, with a guy named Mike.
Mike lives in England and we were just talking about where we've been when I asked him about Canada. He is a cool guy and we can't judge him based on ignorance, but part of his response was so ridiculous, rude and just plain irritating.
He said he had been to Canada when he was young and not to get a offended but that he figured most countries think of Canada as 'the poor man's America'.

Of course I was offended. What he said at first was not really offensive, in fact it's probably true most countries do think we are the poor man's America, they might not think that but it is how the media portrays us. It is what followed next that bothered me. He continued to add 'I mean really what is there to see/do in Canada'. He agreed with his earlier quote.

Now at the time (2am) I was exhausted and all I could think of was the CN Tower and a joke I once heard about all it is, is a bunch of rich people eating while spinning around in a circle. So of course I mentioned the CN Tower and then continued to babble on aimlessly about this movie I saw a commercial for called One Week, a movie about a dying man that spends his last week left to live on a motorbike seeing all the sights across Canada.

Later on that week and through out the past month I look back at the comment he made and I can't help it, I'm livid. I am one of the proudest Canadians I know, I have a multi-cultural background that might not have been allowed if my parents hadn't met in Canada. I am the first generation Canadian on my dad's side of the family -in fact one of the first people in the whole Nelson family born here, and I am the 5th generation Canadian on my mother's side.

I keep kicking myself for not standing up more for my country however I know it couldn't be helped I was tired and after all I can't really speak much for outside the province of Ontario. My Canadian travels are pretty limited to around Toronto, Ottawa and around Quebec City. I went to B.C when I was four but it doesn't count if I can hardly remember it.

Canada is a great place, to live or visit and I know it.

Expect a future blog about what Canada has to offer. I don't have time or money to travel right now but I will at least be doing some research in order to fill you guys in because when I brought this up here in Canada many people responded with 'what is there to do here?

Song of the Month

So this past week 3 celebrities have died; Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. So in honor of their lives and accomplishments, I chose my favourite (or at least one out of two of my favourites) Michael Jackson song for Song of the Month.
I hope the media and the rest of the world lets them rest in peace, very soon.

Will You Be There

Michael Jackson

Hold Me

Like The River Jordan

And I Will Then Say To Thee

You Are My Friend

Carry Me

Like You Are My Brother

Love Me Like A Mother

Would You Be There?

Weary

Tell Me Will You Hold Me

When Wrong, Will You Skold Me

When Lost Will You Find Me?

But They Told Me

A Man Should Be Faithful

And Walk When Not Able

And Fight Till The End

But I'm Only Human

Everyone's Taking Control Of Me

Seems That The World's

Got A Role For Me

I'm So Confused

Will You Show To MeYou'll Be There For Me

And Care Enough To Bear Me

(Hold Me) show me

(Lay Your Head Lowly)

told me

(Softly Then Boldly)

(Carry Me There)

I'm Only Human

(Lead Me)

hold me

(Love Me And Feed Me)

ye yeah

(Kiss Me And Free Me)

yeah

(I Will Feel Blessed)

I'm Only Human

(Carry)Carry

(Carry Me Boldly)Carry me

(Lift Me Up Slowly)yeah

(Carry Me There)

I'm Only Human

(Save Me)

need me

(Heal Me And Bathe Me)

lift me up lift me up

(Softly You Say To Me)

(I Will Be There)I Will Be There

(Lift Me)i'm gonna care

(Lift Me Up Slowly)

(Carry Me Boldly)yeah

(Show Me You Care)

Show Me You Care

(Hold Me)whoooo

(Lay Your Head Lowly)

I get lonly sometimes

(Softly Then Boldly)

i get lonly

(Carry Me There)

yeah yeah carry me there

yeah yeah yeah

[Spoken]

In Our Darkest Hour

In My Deepest Despair

Will You Still Care?

Will You Be There?

In My Trials

And My Tripulations

Through Our Doubts

And Frustrations

In My Violence

In My Turbulence

Through My Fear

And My Confessions

In My Anguish And My Pain

Through My Joy And My Sorrow

In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow

I'll Never Let You Part

For You're Always In My Heart

Sides -A Twisted Ice-cream

Today I was just wondering why is there always a need for people to pick a side?
I understand, everyone has an opinion on something but does it really matter what their opinion is?

I obviously have an opinion on everything in life and for the most part I like to share my opinion but sometimes my opinion is irrelevant and there is no point in sharing it with the world if it won't help.

My friend Christina has two best friends from high school. Like most stories go, her two friends had a falling out and both turned to her. Christina being a very intelligent person had one response for the both of them in more or less the same words as these:
"Oh no, I'm staying out of this."

I don't really know how the story ended however I think its safe to assume everything turned out at least civil because I met them both for the first time earlier this month at Christina's birthday party.

There are at least two sides to everything in life -most likely even three after all we are not 2D cartoons. I often find it easy to see both -even when I am telling one of those stories. I suppose its one of those personality traits people accumulate. I tend not to truly fight with people unless I see my side as clearly being the logical argument (maybe that's what everybody says who knows) otherwise to most degrees I back down.
Christina's story has obviously happened to all of us and for most of us on more than one occasion.

When I was in high school I was made to choose a side -I really regret it looking back on the event.
My friends and I were on a trip and like every other story they got mad at each other. The day they had their fight, we split up into smaller groups to tour the area. For the most part part it was two friends against one and the two, made it very obvious that is I chose not to hang with them then I was declaring that the other friend was right.

The other friend said she understood and it didn't matter -at that moment I should have stayed with her. I would never make my friends choose between me and another friend and I shouldn't have let them dictate me like that but I was 16 and stupid. I hung out with the two friends, they didn't listen to me once and spent a good part of the night complaining about our other friend until I hid from them in annoyance. When they found me I snapped at them for about 5minutes (for all of which they were deaf) and to this day all though I've explained it to them a bunch of times, they don't understand why I was pissed.

A perfect world would be like a twisted ice-cream cone you get from the ice-cream truck. The one that's half chocolate and half vanilla but you already know that and you know the world is not perfect (sigh).
If I do not share my opinion with people it is because I know it is not worth sharing (people be honest with ourselves we all have opinions that are not worth sharing). So if I am not talking, don't bother asking me to.

8 Days!

8 DAYS 8 DAYS 8DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's in 8 days you ask?

ITALY

That's right in 8 days I leave for Italy.

I admit I'm a little nervous for a tonne of different things. For one I hate planes lol Another I'm worried I wont make friends -well new friends, I am going with my friend Morgan.

I will be going with a company called EF http://www.eftours.com/
I went on a tour with them and my grade 11 french class and it was a blast. I would even go as far as to say life-changing. The people I grouped with during the trip for the most part turned out to be my really close friends and they are a big part of my life even now; Melissa, Miles and Morgan (hmmm all Ms that's a strange coincidence lol). Those are the three that I talk to and love the most but from time to time I see the others. We went to Italy, Monaco, France and a German Airport, plus The Vatican is legally it's own state and we were there too so we covered a lot in just 10days but this time is really different.

I give my self props!
I think it was pretty brave of me to book my trip to Italy earlier this year. For one I didn't know Morgan would be going -it wasn't until right before the deadline that she even switched her trip to Italy to match mine. I was going there all by myself and no I don't speak a word of Italian. It has only been recent that my major fear of flying has surfaced. I think I've always had nerves but with so many crashes in the news this year, when I went to my brother's wedding in March I was balling my eyes out right be fore take off cause of fear.

Here is the basic plot of the trip.
I go to Italy sort of like an exchange student (with no one coming to here). I stay with a 'host' family ( I just got their information a few days ago) and so does another student from who knows where. We go to school every afternoon on weekdays to learn Italian and then for every other part of the day, it's my understanding that I roam around free (pun intended since it is in Roma that I will be staying).
I don't get a credit because you have to stay about 6 weeks in order to do that, but I'm supposed to go to at least %80 of the classes. I'm really nervous about friends!

I also have nerves about life in Rome.
My friend Morgan will be staying in some apartment thing on her own but we will be going to the EF school together and obviously partying through out the whole trip. On one hand I'm soooooooooo thankful she's going with me. She did this programme last year in France so she has an idea of what to expect. I just hope we don't do that thing (all friends do it once in awhile) where because we are set in our friendship we neglect making friends with others, I really want to come out of this with contacts from around the world!
I also hope the family I live with is easy going -I sent them an e-mail but they haven't replied back yet. I can't forget I'm a little worried about getting lost or stuck on my own but that shouldn't happen cause I have Morgan for a friend :)

For the most part...

I'm so excited!!!!

Song of the Month

Often people get stuck in rut they really shouldn't be in.

Lost & Found

Adrienne Pierce

Eyes like flowers, I love the way you see you see, you see

You're the best thing that's happened to me Maybe I should fight harder for you

But I said I'd let go when you wanted me to Have no power,

I see the way you run you run you run As soon as we start to have fun

Maybe I will be feel better alone or just feel something,

Heart is turning to stone

So, so slow can you feel me letting go

I, I know that we turn away when the cracks begin to show
And now we're sleeping with the television and all the lights on

One of us is leaving soon but we're both already gone

Stuck at the lost at found, watch things disappear

Looking for the missing piece but it was never here
Every hour, I find a way a way a way, a way

To convince myself to stay back and forth,

I can't juggle lying here need to stand up and struggle

Ivory tower, I know the what you think you think you think

It's making my heart sink unamused, tired of the antics

Sick of arguing over semantics

So, so slow can you feel me letting go

I, I know that we turn away when the cracks begin to show
And now we're sleeping with the television and all the lights on

One of us is leaving soon but we're both already gone

Stuck at the lost at found, watch things disappear

Looking for the missing piece but it was never here

This song just seems to fit my life when I feel its headed to being in a rut.

Veggn' out!

So as you should know I'm a vegetarian. It's not too hard. I don't have a problem with cutting out meat, my problem has to do with replacing it...and also marsh mellows.
I clearly don't eat healthy enough I lack protein and iron but I'm working on it.

I'm not a big fan of marsh mellows I just like them in other deserts like RiceKrispie -Squares and s'mores so I have spent all weekend looking for vegan marsh mellows. I searched all over I was almost desperate I found a store in Georgia and New Zealand but I have finally found the right place for me in Toronto, its this store on.......called....... Panacea: An Eco Shopping Oasis

I went here just to look for marsh mellows but I found so much more! I plan to go back sometime soon maybe after my trip to Italy in June, I think the store will continue to be a big help with my vegetarian lifestyle -which at this moment isn't very healthy. They had so many options, I often have a hard time finding food because I am very allergic to bell peppers (I know strange but it runs in the family) but there were sooooooooo many selections to choose from, many without soy products which can be a problem for people allergic to peanuts. Being a Vegetarian can be a little pricey. It's tricky to find affordable healthy food without meat, -that's why so many westerners are over-weight because things like Mc Donald's are so much cheaper than vegan places.

I even bought some vegan Gummie bears! I was worried that they would taste too healthy 0if you know what I mean but they were great! I shared them with my friends who almost all eat meat and they loved them too! The best thing about the Gummie bears (besides the satisfaction of not eating an animal) is that they don't have that after feeling. Shirley and I were agreeing that regular Gummie bears often leave you with a sick feeling (your body is telling you they weren't to good for you lol) but the vegan bears left you perfectly fine.

Even if you're not a vegetarian I recommend you visit the store. In case you don't know why I look for vegan marsh mellows it is because many things with that type of chewy-gummy texture contains a substance called gelatin. Gelatin is made up of a few icky things including cow hooves (when I picture gelatin I just imagine the foot of a cow being torn off -eww I know). When I was a kid I thought that gelatin was artificial but as it turns out I was wrong. Gelatin is still used very much today and is very much real including the hooves.

Have you ever tried being a vegetarian? Vegan? Or even just tried cutting out red-meat? As much as I would like to just tell you all to stop eating any type of meat, I suggest you give it a try, but do it for the right reasons. Really think about the choice, Are you trying it because it seems to be the trend? As my friend Morgan once said 'You can't just take a political stance without a reason'.
I am a vegetarian because I don't believe in eating someone (let's classify someone as a being with a pulse for the argument's sake) I believe that animals have souls and don't deserve to be killed for our benefit (lol -a little intense?), but you could try it to be healthier just be sure to replace the iron, protein, calcium, even the calories. If you are trying to loose weight -I don't think this is the right way. Remember to think always think about what you do and why you do it (this applies to all aspects of life).

<3

Do Something

So the school year is almost at an end (a little longer to go for all York U and highschoolers but not to long), and at times people are left wandering around, sitting and chilling with no real purpose. I tend to work away the summer and stress over balancing a full-time job and crazy adventures with friends. I almost always end up with that weird feeling that I've done so many things without achieving much of anything, so I thought of a few extra, simple things to do in order to feel accomplished and I thought I'd share them with you.

Save a little money and go somewhere random and adventurous. I know if you're in any kinda of situation similar to mine there isn't a day that goes by when you don't think to yourself 'oh crap what am I going to do for money...(after this year, month, week or even day)'. Don't beat yourself up cause you spent a little extra on an event or excursion. I'm not telling you to spend your money on some useless item you're never going to use, splurge a little on something for you like a manicure or a trip to the EX.
Put some money aside to go out to places and events once or twice a month. Anything over $45 is too much for my budget if it's more than once a month.

See what the city has to offer. I can only really give examples for Toronto but I'm sure all cities have similar things to offer. The other week I went to a presentation at a library it was about the Merril Collection -which is basically this huge collection of Myth and Sci-fi including texts from hundreds of years ago to 5 days ago. It turns out that Libraries all over Toronto (mainly downtown) have exhibits like these -pertaining to children's stories, biography, languages etc. If you find the right one you could spend hours at the library and learn something instead of sitting and staring into space.
The R.O.M if you are a student and you have id it's free on Tuesdays and if you aren't it's still a great place to check once every few years at least!
Just walk around downtown or in an area you don't live in. There is always something new downtown or at least something you missed the last time you were there. I classify myself as a city girl, I can't imagine living anywhere other than a city. The buildings themselves are works of art, you can find really old houses and government buildings that defined history but you can fine random, new and abstract buildings too. Downtown Toronto is split into certain districts such as the fashion district, it's really neat there are little statues of defining items (i.e a thimble and spool for fashion) through out the city.
Hop on a bus. Pay $2.75 and hop on the TTC or whatever you local transit is. Don't think about what bus you're going to take just pick a random direction and see where the bus takes you. You can stay on the bus the whole route and see a section of city maybe you haven't seen, or maybe you will finally see the rest of the route your bus to school goes after you get off. Get on the buss and hop off as soon as you find something interesting near by that you'd like to check out.

Stay at home and cook. Gather some of your friends and cook something new or at least random. Turn on the cooking channel and try to create what you see on T.V. I'm not really a cooking kind of girl so my best suggestion is to brainstorm hybrid's of food i.e Spaghetti Dogs : Make spaghetti and sauce and put it on a hot-dog bun. When you're done fooling around in the kitchen just enjoy your creation maybe play some boardgames.

Help others. Save some money or collect money from your friends and decide a charity to donate to. Hold garage sales and car washes for a good cause. I truly believe the best feeling in the world comes after you help someone in need. I plan to adopt an animal from WWF this summer. https://wwfstore.donorportal.ca/c-11-wildlife-adoptions.aspx

These are just a few time-fillers that I believe are easy to fit in, in order to have a productive summer that's fun as well. <3

Artist

I don't know about you but when I was a kid I had a few ideas of where I was going in life and I thought they were pretty reasonable.

Since the beginning of my life I have always wanted to be an artist. Nothing famous, nothing glamorous just an artist. I would picture myself with a little beret, an easel, with a pallet of colours in my hand and just standing by the windowsill painting my life away. This was a dream I could have back then because when you're in Kindergarten, things like money, the bills, supporting a family never once crossed my mind. The fact that I wasn't exactly a talented painter or at the time colour-er ( my easel was my colouring book), wasn't even apparent. If I believed long enough that I would be a painter, it would happen.
If my memory is correct my best friends Johny wanted to be a bank-robber and Ella something girly like a ballerina. Amanda wanted to be a cop but looking back on it I guess we all just fit the stereotypes for our personalities. Johny always got into trouble, Amanda always bossed around and had fits if we didn't obey, while Ella acted like a princess and never got into trouble.
It was so simple then, the question of what we wanted to be when we grew up. If you asked us what we planed to do with our lives once we were out of school there wouldn't be a second pause between your question and my answer: artist.
I'm not sure when that dream vanished -did it vanish? It might just have been misplaced but I doubt I'll ever find it again. I think all the years of struggling in elementary school, to try and match the skills of my peers in art class might have set me back a bit but I still can't pinpoint the exact moment I gave up being an artist.
I'm also not sure when I decided to try acting. Ellie my mother, says it was when I was 7 and played Mama Bear in the school play. She says I came out and said 'being on stage is the best thing in the whole world' -I was right then, it is the best thing or at least one of them but I don't really remember it.
I think it was my 'depression' (I say that world loosely I wasn't clinically depressed just unhappy -what 7th grader wasn't unhappy) that lead me to focus on acting as a career. I hated my middle school and acting (more Wexford School for the Arts Drama Focus Program) was my way out! So I worked really hard for the 2years in order to make it to Wexford and I wanted to be an Actress.
I later decided although I love acting I didn't want to spend my life chasing dead-end jobs so ironically I decided to pursues being a writer. I love writing, I want to write children's stories and perhaps even have a column in a magazine or something but I'm smarter enough to know I need a plan.
I'm not giving up on writing or even acting to be honest, I love those things and I believe I can still be a writer but I need a career I've been considering a few things but I can't have a desk job and I don't want to be a teacher. I believe teaching is a highly respectable job and perfect for some people and most definitely I know the world needs teachers but it's not for me, I have my reasons and no matter how many people tell me I should be one I don't want to.

ICK! When did life get so complicated??? -The question of a lifetime I know.

My friend Shirley said the scariest thing the other day. "We're almost 20, if we're not in L.A by the time we're 20 what are we doing with our lives?" It's like too late to make it. I know logically that the fact that we're going to be 20 is irrelevant to anything in life but a tiny tiny portion of brain can't help but scream 'aaaahhhhhh she's right'.

What to do, what to do??????
I know I'll figure it out sooner or later...

Song of the Month

So every generation has a song that reaches to everybody. I don't mean a band like THE BEATLES or a song that defines the year's events like WAR just a simple song that everyone likes. I think that our song might be Bittersweet Symphony preformed by The Verve.

So I suggest you check it out and here are the lyrics:

"Bittersweet Symphony"

" 'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life

Try to make ends meet

You're a slave to money then you die

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down

You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet yeah,

No change, I can change

I can change, I can change

But I'm here in my mold

I am here in my mold

But I'm a million different people from one day to the next

I can't change my mold

No, no, no, no, no

Well I never pray

But tonight I'm on my knees yeah

I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah

I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now

But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can change

I can change, I can change

But I'm here in my mold

I am here in my mold

And I'm a million different people

from one day to the next

I can't change my mold

No, no, no, no, no

I can't change

I can't change

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life

Try to make ends meet

Try to find some money then you die

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down

You know the one that takes you to the places where all the things meet yeah

You know I can change, I can change

I can change, I can change

But I'm here in my mold

I am here in my mold

And I'm a million different people

from one day to the next

I can't change my mold

No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mold

no, no, no, no, no,

I can't change

Can't change my body,

no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down

Been down

Ever been down

Ever been down

Ever been down

Ever been down

Have you ever been down?

Have you've ever been down?"

So what do you think? Is it a good song or just a piece of crap? Twitter me with the answer twitter.com/AmeliaR_N

Anyway whether or not you like the song, it seems to fit my life this month. April 3rd was my birthday so it has included many parties already but in just 7days it has also held a lot of unnecessary melodrama, Bittersweet Symphony just defines my life right now.

Main Sequence

Ok so I'm sitting in my astronomy class learning about star stuff and I thought of a great idea!

I am going to start a band and guess what it will be called? ........

MAIN SEQUENCE
It has a feeling of authority it's the name of a serious rock band.

If you know astronomy you know that the Main Sequence is basically a row/ grouping of stars (including our very own Sun), you should also know a whole bunch of things like the dull but longer lifespan stars are on one side and the brighter shorter lifespan tend to be on the other -it's irrelevant to the band.

We could use a graphic picture of the Main Sequence as our logo but take out the Y and X axis. We would also place our logo in the centre of the big drum in a drum-set.

Our song list:

Cover of the Sailor Moon Theme

Atom (a song about a lover named Adam but

pronounced with an accent so it sounds like Atom)

A Failed Star ( aka a Brown Drawf in astronomical terms)

Stellar Properties (about someone cool)

NATS1740 (there's no explanation necessary)

Trapped in a Black hole

I would have to be the guitarist unfortunately according to Guitar Hero I have no skill what-so-ever.

Chris would be like a keyboard/ guitarist and bass

Kevern would be on drums -it just looks right.

AJ would come in with like a Will Smith rap vibe.

Prof. Hall would be the triangle.

Chris and I would be vocals and Prof. Hall would write the songs.

If you're curious AJ Kevern Chris and Prof. Hall are all part of NATS1740.

This band is solid we're going to be BIG!

Mega-hits every week! For sure were going to get a Grammy ;)

About aMElia

My name is Amelia
My favourite colours are purple, green and blue
I am a vegetarian
I have a dog (a Westie) named Bonnie -she is not a pet she is a part of my family
I surround myself with a wide variety of personalities as far as my friends go (a friend named Larry told me that today!)
My favourite foods consist of ice cream, cheese pizza and a West Indian dish of rice and chickpeas
I wish to travel the world but I am also terrified of flying I feel like you tempt fate/'the gods' by flying after all if we were supposed to fly wouldn't we have wings?
I am christian but i have doubts and I obviously sin just like anyone else I do respect every ones' beliefs and believe that is some truth to all religions and they are somehow all connected we just don't have the means to figure out how
I often feel like people don't listen when I speak, it sucks -it really sucks when I know I'm right and have to wait for them to realize it
I have many dreams and goals but they are hard to organize and almost everything in life seems to be about who you know
I really enjoy university I just wish it was more affordable but then again who doesn't?
My hobbies include trampolining (the only sport I take part in) and collecting random facts about the world -I repeat those facts during awkward silences and other awkward events
I am mixed black and white -with a whole lot of everything Trini Canadian Spanish Scottish etc etc Canada has it's own culture you just have to search a little harder to find it.
I try to see a relative point in every one's opinion but I'm only human so it can be hard.
I'm a tad O.C.D a tad lazy a tad perfectionist and of course a tad self-centred
For the most part I aim to love and be loved
I believe that music might be the greatest thing on earth something reaches to everyone
I hope you like my blogging.